


Secrets

by Metallicafanforever



Category: Megadeth, Metallica
Genre: Best Friends, Crushing, Denial, M/M, Mental Instability, Support, m/m - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-03 06:36:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11526594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Metallicafanforever/pseuds/Metallicafanforever
Summary: Everyone's got a secret.





	1. I'm Not Gay

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I'm back once again with another story I forgot to post. I like this plot for this one, but its not going to be a very long story, probably ten chapters max. I hope you enjoy, and I'd love tohear feedback if there's anything unclear. Much love, Kyleigh.

|James' P.O.V.|

I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I'm not a fag who likes a cock up his ass.

That's a phrase I seem to repeat in my head so many times, it's become my personal mantra.

I mean there is one guy who I'm attracted to but that doesn't make me a fag. Right? I've always had girlfriends, I like tits and pussy. But then why does this guy drive me crazy?!

When he walks into the room, swaggering slightly, giving off the smell of cigarettes and all things manly, his beautiful orange hair flowing behind his shoulders. It drives me crazy. And the face he makes when he's soloing, like he's about to cum, or when he hits a bend with the perfect pitch, the face he makes resemble's Jimmy Page's infamous guitar face. Sometimes he'll lean on me when we're playing, and when we preform "Phantom Lord" I take my hands off the guitar to clutch the mic, leaning into him. When I do that, I can smell him, it drives me crazy.

But I'm not a fag. I refuse to be gay. I refuse to act upon these tiny feelings I have for Dave Mustaine.

I'm almost sure he's gay. I've seen him leave the bar with guys before. I'm not stupid, I know they all resemble me, slightly tall, lanky, skinny, long blonde curly hair, usually blue eyes as well. I know he likes me. I don't know how I'd react to him actually telling me though. Maybe I'd try to start a relationship with him. I don't know, I hope it never has to come to that.

"James?" Lars asked, as the others stared at me, I was so lost in thought I forgot we were at rehearsal.

"Uh yeah, sorry I was thinking."

"Thinking about what?" Dave said, he was staring at me a little too long.

"Uh, stuff." Not my best response.

"Okay, whatever let's get playing. Phantom Lord is next." Ron said, clearly annoyed.

When we rehearse, we do it the exact same as how we would onstage, so that entails the "moment" Dave and I will soon share.   
\-------------

When he was playing the solo, he made the most intense face I've ever seen, distracting me so much that I lost tempo and missed a bunch of notes, causing Lars and Ron to stop playing.

"Dave stop playing." Ron said, clearly looking annoyed once again. Jesus, when is this kid ever not annoyed.

"What why?" He looked a little pissed of at this, but not getting too upset. It's not his nature.

"Fucking Het messed up again." Ron put down his bass, sinking down onto the couch in the living room of the two bedroom apartment we all shared.

"He was too busy making eyes at you and lost focus." Lars rolled his eyes as he said this.

That fucking Danish elf. How dare he. Fuck you Lars!

"I was not making eyes at anyone. I zoned out, I'm sorry." I'm trying my best not to beat the shit out of that goddamn danish midget.

"It's all good, everyone messes up. Let's just hope the show isn't like that." Dave shrugged it off and went to the room him and I shared.

Lars and Ron share the bigger room, and they have two single mattresses. Dave and I got stuck with the small room with the queen sized bed.  
\------------

I've been pissed off all week, after what happened at the rehearsal. I've been really rude to Dave as well, I feel really bad.

I was walking up to our room, I'm tired as hell, and I hear what sounds like Dave crying.

I burst through the door, making Dave jump a little. He was sitting on the ground across from the living room, his knees to his chest.

"Stop being such a fucking pussy, Dave! You're in a metal band. Men don't cry. Only homos cry. Are you a fucking homo?" I ask him, he's clearly getting more upset, but hiding it.

"I'm not a homo, no." He sniffled as he said this, wiping away the still falling tears.

I've noticed him being a little toned down lately, more depressed and I've noticed him crying a lot more.

"Just go to bed, you'll feel better in the morning." And with that, we both climbed into bed, as far away from each other as possible.

"Night, James"

"Night, Dave."

I fell asleep quickly after that.


	2. I Love Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I've never been so sure of anything in my life, but this, there's no doubt in any cell in my body, I love David Scott Mustaine, whether I want to or not."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I am back with yet another chapter! Thank you for all the feedback on the last chapter, I'm glad to hear you guys like it. Much love, Kyleigh.

Earlier today, I was going through the recycling, I was searching for a Misfits sticker I might've mistakenly put in there, and I found a prescription for Prozac, an anti depressant, and another one for Valium, an anti anxiety medication. They were both issued to Dave. 

Oh my god. Now I know that he wasn't just being a crybaby. He legitimately has problems that he needs to fix with medication. I feel so bad now, I was being such an asshole about everything, making fun of how skittish he was being, or how he's cut way down on drinking, and stopped doing coke. God, I'm such an asshole. 

"Dave?" I asked cautiously, entering our room.

"Yeah?" He replied, his voice weak and shaky, barely audible. I can tell he's been crying.

I didn't say anything back, I just sat beside him on the end of our bed and pulled him into a hug. He tensed up a little bit at first, but quickly relaxed in my arms.

"I found all of your prescriptions. I just want to say I'm sorry for being such an asshole about everything, and for making fun of you for crying. I'm here for you for anything." When I said this, he began sobbing in my arms.

After about twenty minutes of this, he had calmed down enough to back away enough to look me in the eyes.

"James?" 

"Yeah, Dave?" I'm not sure what to think, he looks scared out of his mind.

"I need to tell you something, but I need to be sure that you won't judge me too much, and that you won't let this change anything between us." I can feel him literally shaking in my arms.

"Anything, Dave. I promise." I think he's about to tell me something I'm already almost sure of.

"I'm gay." He looks like he's about to start crying.

"I know." 

"You know?" His eyes are refusing to meet mine.

"Yes, I know. I've seen you with guys leaving the bar, I'm not blind."

"Heh I guess I could've hid it a little better, hey?" I can tell he's scared, telling me this.

"I also know that all the guys you leave with resemble me." When I said this, his eyes went huge, literally like a deer in the headlights.

"You... I..." He didn't bother finishing his sentence, he just hung his head in shame.

He looks so beautiful, even when he's ashamed. I want to tell him that, but I don't know how to go about that. My thought process is interrupted when he begins to cry again, muttering apologies.

"Hey, no... Dave don't cry." I gently push his head up with my left hand, my eyes meeting his, "Don't cry, beautiful." I can feel the butterflies in my stomach, and I feel sick, I couldn't imagine what Dave must've felt.

"B-beautiful?" He says, his voice cracking.

"Yes, I think you're the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on, Dave." I say this with all of the love and sincerity in my soul, I need him to know this is true.

"You think I'm beautiful? But you're straight..." He looks worried, as if I was playing some sort of mean prank on him.

"Well I don't actually think you're beautiful. I know you are. I know I'm supposedly straight, but not for you. I like you, Dave. And not in the same way I like Lars or Ron. I want a relationship with you..." I look into his eyes, trying to tell him telepathically all these things I don't think I'm brave enough to say.

"James... I," he pauses, taking a deep breath, calming himself I assume, "I want to be in a relationship with you too, I have since the first time we met. I never knew you had the same feelings, otherwise I would've told you by now." 

I don't say anything more, I just pull him into a hug, and then a deep, loving, passionate kiss that I pour these past few months of emotion, and confusion, and desire into. 

After a few minutes of kissing, we split apart, resting our foreheads together, catching our breath. 

"It's late, can we just sleep tonight?" Dave looks the happiest I've seen him in a long time.

"Of course. You need to sleep if you want to get better." I give him a smile as I say this, he gives me one in return.

We both climb into bed as per usual, this time we both move closer to the middle of the bed, I take the 'big spoon' position, holding Dave, stroking his hair with my free hand.

"I'll help you get better if it's the last thing I do. I promise you, Dave. We'll get through this together." I pull him a little closer as I say this, he relaxes into me even more.

"Thank you, James. I know it's ridiculously early to say this, but I love you. I really do, I mean it with all my heart. I'm sure of it, I've been sure of it for so long." He sounds sleepy as he says this, I can tell he'll be asleep faster than me.

"I love you too, Dave. And I'm not just saying that because you said it first. I do love you too. I'll see you in the morning, beautiful." He mutters something sleepily, before sighing and falling asleep.

This is where I'm meant to be, I'm sure of it. With Dave "Motormouth" Mustaine, a rough, tough, macho man, who is surprisingly sensitive, and gentle, who happens to be a closeted gay man, who I love, in my arms. 

I've never been so sure of anything in my life, but this, there's no doubt in any cell in my body, I love David Scott Mustaine, whether I want to or not.


	3. Led Zeppelin, Pancakes, and  Rocky Horror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "DAVE YOUR FAVOURITE MOVIE IS ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is enjoying this story so far, and just like all of my stories, if you want an update, let me know, and then I'll put it higher on my priority list! I hope you guys enjoy! Love always, Kyleigh

|James' P.O.V|

I woke up from a dreamless sleep, holding Dave, who lay silent in my arms. I am happier than I've ever been in probably over a year. I love this man, and I'm so happy he loves me.

I felt him stir in my arms after a few minutes, so I kissed the back of his head, his neck, his cheek, his nose and then finally his lips.

"Mm I'd like to wake up like this every morning," he says, turning over in my arms, now facing me.

"Hmm I'll keep that in mind," I use my right hand to bring his head closer to mine, before closing the distance in between our lips.

After a few minutes of kissing, we both decide to get up and jam for a bit. We go through our usual set list, and Dave plays some riffs he wrote. I play the riffs I wrote, and then we move on to our favourite songs. We play "Am I Evil?", before moving onto some Led Zeppelin, Dave's request. He loves Led Zeppelin, he says they're one of his all time favourites. Too bad John Bonham died a year and a half ago, Dave always says he wished he could've seen them live.

When we're finished, we're both hungry as hell, so Dave goes to the kitchen to make pancakes while I clean up a bit in the apartment.

Dave has lived on his own since he was fifteen, so he knows quite a bit about cooking and other shit like that. I'm just focusing on dusting everything off a bit, putting away random instruments, putting the picks back in our pick jar that stays on the coffee room table, and basically just making sure the apartment is in some sort of order.

Once we've finished eating the ridiculously delicious pancakes, Dave and I snuggle up on the couch to watch a movie. Dave won't tell me what movie it is, all he says is that it's his favourite.

When the movie starts, all I see is a red pair of lips. I'm not sure what this movie is.

It takes me a few moments to realize

"DAVE YOUR FAVOURITE MOVIE IS ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW?!" I literally yelled this part, making Dave jump.

"Yeah... what's wrong with that?" He genuinely looks confused.

"Dave, that's so gay!"

"Well so am I!"

"I am too!"

Dave doesn't say anything else, just pulls me into a deep, loving kiss.

"I love you, Dave." A big smile spreads on his face when I said this.

"I love you too, James." He gave me another quick kiss before settling once more, curled up at my side.

Okay, the movie wasn't as bad as I expected, and it was actually pretty interesting. It was also ridiculously funny, and the songs were so catchy. Dave was so cute, singing along to every song, and even reciting the lines at certain points. Dave ended up falling asleep, curled up against my side, his head on my chest. I continued petting his hair, until I eventually fell asleep as well.

\---

The sound of the door unlocking woke Dave, who snapped up from his spot on my chest, dashing to the kitchen, where he was pretending to tidy. I don't think I've ever seen him move so quickly.

Lars and Ron drunkenly stumbled into the house, Lars coming and sitting next to me, and Ron retreating to his room for the night. As soon as Lars sat next to me, I could smell the bitter alcohol on his breath, which also seemed to be leaking from his pores.

"Hey Jamessss" Lars slurred, but I ignored him, glancing at the clock. Shit! It's 9:00, Dave was supposed to take his medication three hours ago! I jumped up off the couch, running to the bedroom, shouting at Dave.

"DAVE GET WATER!"

"What the fuck is wrong, ba- James? Are you on fire or something?" I quickly popped off the lids to his meds, getting the correct dosages in my hands before bolting to the kitchen.

"Your..." I paused, taking a deep breath,"...meds are three hours late!" His bloodshot eyes went wide as I said this, he for sure needs to take out his contacts, I can tell they're irritating him.

"Shit! I better take them now, and hopefully we don't screw up again tomorrow." I nodded, handing him the pills, him giving me a grateful smile before taking them.

I can tell he's insecure about the fact he needs medication, but there's no need to feel that way, I love him and am here for him no matter what.

Once he finished taking the pills and putting the now empty glass in the sink, he leaned back against the counter, giving me a small, grateful smile.

I returned the smile, before walking up to him, taking his head in both my hands, examining his eyes before kissing him gently, yet passionately. I pull out of the kiss, our foreheads resting together.

"Baby, you need to take out your contacts, your eyes look all irritated." His eyes got wide as I said 'baby'.

"Shh, Lars or Ron could hear you." Right, our relationship is a secret.

"Oh shit, right. Sorry. Anyways, go take care of your eyesight situation." He gave me another silent kiss, before turning away to the bathroom to take out his contacts.

He returns, his hair, just past shoulder length, up in a ponytail at the back of his head, and his wire framed glasses adorning his face.

God, I don't even know why I ever tried to hide my feelings towards Dave, he's so beautiful and so loving. I'm glad I can call him mine.


	4. He Completes Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovelies! I'm so sorry for not uploading or updating anything in the past little while, I'm just ridiculously busy and have been uninspired. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this update! Oh, also the whole story, or well, this part of the story is all from James' point of view, unless stated otherwise.

Months upon months of pure bliss. Dave and I are so happy together, and I couldn't ask for more. Him and I are still trying to help him get better, and until he gets there we've agreed to no sex. Well, blowjobs and handjobs don't count for that, that we still do a lot. I don't mind though, as long as I can give him love and receive his love, that's all I need. 

The one thing that ruined the 'bliss', well it didn't really ruin it, just kind of paused it. Ron quit. 

He walked into our room when Dave was down on me sucking me off. He freaked out and was yelling about how he "Won't be in a band with faggots."

Dave and I pleaded with him that he wouldn't tell the press, so he said he'd make up something else. At least he did that for us. 

He ended up making up some bullshit story about how Dave poured a beer on his bass and he got fed up and left. I feel bad for Dave, being portrayed as the bad guy, when in reality he's the nicest in the band. But at least we weren't forced out of the closet, and at least Lars doesn't know.

I'm not sure what would happen if Lars found out, I'm sure we'd both be out. It is his band after all. 

Dave is slowly but surely getting better, and I'm sure that confiding in someone and confessing his true feelings has helped a little. He's smiling more, and we even have his meds down to one dose (of one pill of each) a day. I'm so happy that he's getting better, and I'm proud to be the one helping him. 

We're currently moving to San Francisco, there's an epic bass player, Cliff Burton is his name, he used to be in the band 'Trauma', but quit because they were wanting to go more mainstream. He said he'd join, but only if we moved to San Fran. He is too old of a bass player to pass on, so we're doing it. According to Dave, the thrash scene is better there anyways.

Dave and I are in the front seat of the band, Lars is in the backseat asleep. I'm driving, and Dave is laying his head in my lap. Lars was partying until about 4:00am this morning, and spent a good two hours puking, so I don't expect him to be up until at least 3:00 this afternoon, so that means Dave and I have around five hours where we don't have to worry about anything. 

Honestly these past few months have been the best period of time ever in my life. I don't know what I would've done if I didn't tell Dave about my feelings for him, would he still be in the band? Would we still be friends? Would they have come out sooner or later? Or worst off, would he even be alive right now? I hate to think about that, but depression without emotional support is about as deadly as buying heroin from a shady dealer that doesn't speak English. 

I feel so complete with Dave, like I've been missing him all my life. I don't know what I'll do if anything ever comes between us, or if anything ever happens to him. I would die if I let anything happen to him. I love him so much, so completely and I don't know what I would ever do without him.


End file.
